Marauders

Come on Big Dave, you had it! Movie stardom was in reach. “The next Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson” they could have said but not with seemingly predictable action nonsense like this. Marauders sounds like a decent flick on paper: Bank robberies, Bruce Willis staying away from the action, “who’s really the bad guy?” politics, Batista punching stuff. However Marauders looks like something I would expect to see on a shelf in Morrisons with a big red £5 sticker on it. The good looking brother is behind it all, right?

Monster Trucks

The most ridiculous premise since a car tyre went on a telekinetic rampage in Rubber. I don’t really understand what the thought train was behind Monster Trucks, but it seems like the brainchild of a group of stoners who thought that monster trucks were actually monsters working inside of trucks as the world’s greatest conspiracy theory. As far as the film itself goes, you learn everything from the fact that the first attempt at humour in the trailer is a fart joke. This is some truly low brow stuff that surely can’t win with any audiences, not being simple enough for children, crude enough for teens or clever enough for adults. Looks like it’s one that has to stay with the stoners.

The Legend of Tarzan

I can’t say I’m familiar with the lore of Tarzan, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t have the ability to command the entire animal kingdom at a whim. Safe to say there’s plenty to uhm and ah about in the trailers we’ve been given so far (of which this is the third) but the standout guarantees are that Christoph Waltz will make a fitting antagonist and the film definitely appears to have some spectacular set pieces. However, some of those did appear to suffer from the usual CGI blur and the hope is that the film doesn’t become that in its entirety, as that can really take the life away from the jungle they’re creating. A Phil Collins song or two would also not go amiss.

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